Really? That long?

Has it really been that long since I posted?

Hrumph.

Well, the truth of the matter is that the school year still has 2 weeks left and I'm all overwhelmed and stuff with students.

Could be worse.

One year anniversary of end of chemo is in 4 days. Well, ain't that somethin'?

Don't ever give up.

While doing laundry this morning I walked by the bags of weeds that we collected about six months ago. (Yes, they've been sitting out there for that long. Embarrassing, but true.) Out of the side of one of the bags, through the plastic, this little yellow flower had sprouted.

If a flower can sprout out of a dark, soil-free plastic bag then we can all grow in seemingly dark, dismal times.

Rock on, little yellow flower. Don't ever give up.

Do you see something, like way off in the distance? Is that cancer?

I'm finally starting to get to a place where I don't feel like Megan, "cancer patient". The cancer tragedy is starting to fade into the distance. There are still daily reminders of what I've been going through (I have to wear socks all the time for my nerve-damaged toesies, I get periodic bouts with adhesion pain in my colon, etc) but for the most part I don't feel like Cancer Megan. Just Megan. I thinks it's settling in at an unconscious level, too. All during my treatment and recovery I was having the most f*&ked up nightmares. Things that made Japanese horror films seem downright pleasant. Those have ended too.

So what does this all mean? Instead of feeling like a phoenix rising, I feel more like I've just clawed my way out of quicksand and am just now lying on solid ground, catching my breath. But it's progress and that's good. It's all a process. And that's good; it gives it time to sink in.

I think this line is mostly filler.

Attention World: Scout is the most awesome human being. Like, ever.

Last weekend Scout spirited me away to a secret event at an undisclosed location. It was all secrety and surprisey. He had bought tickets months ago and I had agreed not to snoop on the internet to find out what the big secret could have been.

And what was it? Tell! What? Where? Who?

Turns out there was a reunion of (most) of the cast and production team of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer complete with a screening of "Once More, With Feeling". Woo Hoo! We got to see the musical episode on a big movie screen and then hear Joss, Sarah, James, Nicholas, Seth, Charisma, etc talk all about all things Buffy. It was super cool.

And I *still* get all teary at the look on Willow's face when Buffy reveals that she had been in heaven.

Note: for those of you that are not Buffy fans, this will probably make no sense to you. You should remedy that, as soon as possible.

What's the gift return policy on this thing?

I have an admission to make. I feel like a bit of a traitor in saying this, but here goes:

Cancer was not a gift.

I don't get it. Maybe I missed the enlightenment gravy train. Maybe I'd already realized that corporate jobs suck the life out of you and that love and friendship are more important than money and that you should try to laugh at least once a day. I knew all that long before cancer. I also knew that there is a beautiful balance in life between joy and pain, grief and laughter. That all things have their place in this complex and stunning universe. So what am I missing? I don't see cancer as a gift because I've known all these things for years. Am I missing a key ingredient? Do I need a teaspoon of existential baking powder to make it all come together?

It makes me feel like some sort of curmudgeon. Like I'm too pessimistic to see the rightful glory of cancer. But perhaps it's just that I'd already learned the life lessons that others often get from cancer.

Still, I'd like *some* sort of gift from cancer. It could've at least sent a fruit cake.

I've figured out the best tax secret! Ever!

I just finished doing my taxes and I wanted to let you in on a little secret.

Shhh. Come close.

Closer...

Closer.......

Ready?

If your medical expenses are greater than your income, you don't have to pay any taxes!

Who knew? All these years I've been trying to be a productive member of society when I should have been developing an annual medical catastrophe! Whew! It's so nice to be free of those capitalist shackles.

I'm gonna go on permavacation!

Does anyone know where I can find the nearest leper colony? Is Molokai still a colony? Seems like a nice place to visit this time of year.


(p.s. I mean no offense to my leper audience. Without lepers, we would never have had Che Guevara. And without Che, my dad wouldn't have had a flag to put in his study.)

Movin' on up

We are now the proud owners of an SUV. I think that makes us d.i.n.k.s. Except that we're middle class. Can you be a d.i.n.k. if your double income is less than one average corporate salary?

Also - I fixed my cat's chronic poopin' and barfin' with some voodoo magic I've learned. But more on that later...