I'm going for my 3 month checkup tomorrow. I can't hardly believe it's been 3 months since I've finished chemo. In some ways it feel so long ago. I am back to doing most of my favorite activities -- I am cooking and baking again, I can easily walk the dog to the park and I have eyebrows. (Eyebrows is one of my favorite activities?) But in other ways I am reminded of it everyday. Numb fingers and toes, I have to wrap a rubber band around my hair four or five times instead of once or twice, I still forget things occasionally and have trouble remembering the most common words.
I wonder at what point I will feel convinced that I have kicked cancer to the curb. Will I wake up one day and say, "that's it cancer, you can't have any more of my time!"? Or will it be gradual, like realizing you are finally an adult (gee, I probably shouldn't shop in the juniors' section anymore.) In any event, I feel more at peace with it than I did 3 months ago. And, surprisingly, I have come out of this feeling like I am in control. The most crazy, unexpected thing in the world happens to me and I feel like I'm in control? Hmmm, there's a stumper.