Saturday, March 10, 2007


When I was a kid there was a company that would make a life-size doll in your likeness if you sent them photos. It was very expensive and I don't actually know anyone that did it, but it got me thinking.

Sometimes I feel like there is a life-sized Megan walking around who has cancer. I suppose this could just be an extreme version of "this can't be happening" but I think it's more than that. My life changed so dramatically and so quickly that I just haven't had enough time to incorporate the new me into the old me. So the new me feels like a fake, a representation of what Megan was. The new Megan is sick, can't have children and will always be anxiously looking over her shoulder to see if Cancer is back. That's not me. I am healthy and optimistic and have spent much time and money trying to be *rid* of anxiety.

How does life-size Megan get incorporated into real Megan? Is it just a matter of time? Do I become life-size Megan and leave old Megan behind? I like old Megan. She was familiar and I love her for all her quirks. And yet, here I am, talking about myself in the third person like a king or schizophrenic. Ah well, I suppose my unconscious is working this all out. I just have to ride the wave and see where it takes me.


Anonymous said...

thanks for your comments/input/advice/wisdom/pears on the NPR blog..

the response was overwhelming, and the words are priceless.. good luck with everything, you are in my thoughts.

krupali tejura

Anonymous said...

Wow -you have a yummy heart brain connection.
I'm so glad you can articulate my fears in such a eloquent way. Lunch sometime soon?