Yesterday I had my first really shitty day. I think I was fighting off a cold that Scout may have brought home, but in any event I was down and out. This was the first time that I was incapacitated by the chemo. Normally, it makes me feel tired and achey and there's some weird side effect happening like I can't feel the roof of my mouth and my tongue. But yesterday was far worse. I was in bed, unable to move, barely able to speak and pondering the choice between the epic journey from the bed to the bathroom and just pissing in the bed and dealing with it later. I chose the former, for you curious ones.
Eventually Scout came back, made me some chicken soup and now I feel back to my old achey self, but it really scared me. Is that what it's going to be like in a few more treatments or was that just some fluke day? I hate not knowing what's going to happen to my body tomorrow, next week or next month. I miss the part of being healthy where you have some idea of what you will feel like next week. Maybe you'll even get sick and feel crappy, but only for a few days. I miss that. I wonder if this experience has ruined being sick for me. There's something nice in getting a mild cold, skipping work for a few days and watching movies all day. I wonder if chemo has ruined that for me. I hope not.
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