Thursday, April 12, 2007

Nine of Twelve

Good News: Tomorrow I will be completely done with chemo 9 of 12. My oncologist and I decided to stay at full dose for the time being. My blood work all looks good and we're going the best we can to eliminate the side effects.

On the bad news front, I have been having periodic pain of my left side and they are going to do a CT scan next week to make sure there are no new tumors. The think it's just scar tissue from the operation, but even the possibility of a new tumor is so frightening. I suppose I have to get used to this - random CT scans to see if he cancer is back. But the waiting is almost unbearable. Even when the doctors tell you the chance is small, it's not small in your head, it's huge! takes up all the thinking space you had reserved for anything else like "not crashing your car on the way home from your doctor's appt.". Which I narrowly diverted BTW.

I've written about this before, but I will reiterate: living with this huge unknown in your life is like when you were little and waiting for the monster to pop out of your closet when you fall asleep. You know it's probably all in your mind, but just the possibility of monster poppage is enough to wrench your fear into overdrive. That's pretty much what I feel now and probably will until I get those CT scan results.

Pretty tired from the chemo yesterday, so I will sign off now.

Be good to yourselves.

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